By Lorna Dockery
Ask your friends and family what they fear about dying. Many will say they fear dying in pain and dying alone. But as Mother Theresa once said, no one has to die alone.
Thanks to a volunteer-based program called No One Dies Alone (NODA), no one does. Established at care centers nationwide, this program enlists trained volunteers to offer comfort and companionship to patients who might otherwise die alone because loved ones can’t be present in the last hours of life.
I’m one of those volunteers at a hospital in East Tennessee. Most of my friends say they couldn’t do what I do, but I feel honored to sit bedside as these people pass from this life to the next, as do the other volunteers I know.
We sing (I don’t dare!), play music, say prayers, hold hands and just talk. Hearing is the last sense that goes in death; so, it’s important that we communicate our presence even though patients may not be able to speak, move, or even open their eyes.
Experiencing My Mother’s Death
I got involved with NODA for deeply personal reasons.
When my mother died, then in her 90s and in hospice care, my entire family had gathered to hold vigil. We were leaving for the night when I turned and saw her alone, comatose in that institutionalized environment.
“I’m not leaving her alone here.” I went back inside and slept in a chair positioned next to her bed. Her hand never left mine that night or into the morning.
By the time my two sisters arrived, Mom’s breathing had slowed significantly. She hadn’t said a word or gazed about the room in several days.
But then she did.
While I sat on her bed, she opened her eyes and looked directly at me.
“Mom.” I exclaimed. There she was, alive again behind those beautiful blue eyes. She nodded slowly at me. “Janie and Donna are here too.” She turned and gave each the same nod.
Mom then became still, and I realized a special moment had passed. After two long exhales, she would die that afternoon.
I relive those intense emotions as I write this.
What if she had opened her eyes for the last time and no one was there?
Animals Want Companionship Too
We humans aren’t the only mammals in the animal kingdom who desire companionship. While researching information for this blog post, I came across a Reddit post that piqued my interest.
Someone had asked a vet what he considered to be the most difficult part of his job. The vet didn’t hesitate. To him, seeing an old or sick animal look for its owner before being put to sleep was the hardest. Most owners, he said, don’t want to watch their pet’s last breath, so, they leave the room.
But it’s in these last moments of life that pets need their owners the most. “Don’t be a coward because it’s too painful for you,” the vet said. “Think about the pet. Endure this pain for their sake. Be with them until the end.”
Whether human or pet, no one has to die alone.
~~~
Interested in Becoming a NODA Volunteer? If so, contact your nearest hospital or other care center for information. Information also is available in a comprehensive orientation manual provided by Johns Hopkins Medicine’s NODA program, which, like other programs, emphasizes dignity, respect and comfort for someone who might otherwise die alone.
About the Author: Now retired, Lorna Dockery enjoys kayaking, hiking and other outdoor pursuits in her adopted home state of Tennessee. She grew up in New Jersey.
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