Women and pornography. Those two words don’t go together. Or do they? As it turns out, addiction to porn affects women, too … including those who go to church and teach Sunday school.
Shocked? You shouldn’t be. Many people hide their secret struggles for fear of being condemned by others. They stay silent and suffer alone, feeling dirty and ashamed.
Author/speaker Christy Bass Adams knows this from experience.
At age 12, she was exposed to pornography. Her initial curiosity grew into an addiction that lasted a decade before a friend discovered her secret by accident. She’d borrowed Christy’s computer to check her email. A page popped up, and Christy’s browser history told the rest of the story.
Was it any of this woman’s business to investigate further? Didn’t matter.
The jig was up.
“It was the first time someone confronted me, and I could finally get help.” Christy said.
Not Just a Guy Thing
Women and porn. These aren’t words normally used together because pornography has always been seen as a men’s issue. How many movies, for example, show girls stuffing stacks of adult magazines under their mattresses? Not many.
And if a pastor addresses the issue even if only in passing, like mine once, the comments are typically directed at men.
But according to a study published in 2018, an estimated 91.5 percent of men and 60.2 percent of women consume pornography, reports Fight the New Drug, an organization that raises awareness of its harmful effects. And yes, pornography is harmful.
Its use contributes to sex trafficking, makes it easier to objectify and dehumanize others, and skews ideas about intimacy, to say nothing of its effect on mental health. Experts say users can feel emotionally empty, lonely, and disconnected from others.
Yes, dependency on pornography affects women, too, and they don’t have trouble finding sites to satisfy their habits. Today, porn sites receive more website traffic in the U.S. than Twitter, Instagram, Netflix, Pinterest, and LinkedIn combined, according to an article published by the Family Research Center.
Ministry to Those Sitting in the Pews
Christy is a dynamo. In September, this former elementary school teacher published her devotional, Learning as I Go: Big Lessons from Little People, and a kid’s book, Cricket and Kyle: Imagination Checkers.
Between writing and helping her husband build their dream home in Florida, this mom of two boys is a workshop leader at Honey Lake Clinic, a Christian-based treatment center. She speaks on a myriad of issues—recovery, obedience, and transparency—and isn’t shy about telling her story.
“My ministry is people sitting in the pews,” she says. “There is a bunch of women stuck in their hidden addictions, and the self-talk is berating them. Their wounds are deep.”
Christy’s Story
Growing up, Christy had a public face—the fun and outgoing girl who had her “junk together.” But behind the façade hid an insecure teen who worried about being bullied by her peers. She suppressed her opinions and thoughts, denying herself a voice.
She became a people pleaser.
Looking at porn became her way to rebel safely. “I had to be that good girl.” Call it safe rebellion. “The pornography was a symptom of my inside brokenness.”
The carefully shrouded brokenness followed her into her marriage. What would others think if they knew the real Christy? She didn’t know what it would be like to be free … until her friend stumbled across a website she’d forgotten to close.
Addiction to pornography affects women, too.
Courage Begets Courage
After being outed, she told her husband and parents, and began therapy with a Christian counselor who encouraged her to write. It was a humbling experience that showed her just how haughty, judgmental, and arrogant she’d become.
She couldn’t let anyone see her own guilt and shame, so she projected onto others. She hyper-focused on their issues, refusing to deal with her own.
Addiction to pornography affects women, too.
When she confessed her secret life to her husband, “He looked at me and laughed,” Christy says. “He said, ‘It’s nice to know you’re human just like me.’ I hadn’t realized the damage I’d done to him.”
These days, more than a decade after confronting her addiction, Christy’s only motivation is to stay authentic to herself and to help others’ free themselves from the darkness in their lives.
“Courage begets courage,” she says. “Your story isn’t my story, but the stories are the same … I love to encourage people to get off the pew and let God do a work of deep healing in their hearts.”
Do you need to get off the pew?
Christy is a brave girl.
As she said, courage begets courage.
It’s a growing problem. Some say women’s brains have been rewired to be more stimulated by visual images, starting with MTV. Today, there’s so much more harmful material out there.
Tracy, so true. Frankly, I was shocked by the popularity of pornhub … more people visit that site than all the social media platforms combined. Eye opener.