Everyone has a secret. Now that I’ve gotten your attention, will you read the rest of this post?
You may not.
The topic is controversial but let me assure you I won’t go political. The post will not debate the pros and cons of abortion or last year’s Supreme Court decision. It will not question when life begins or if abortion bans endanger the lives of women.
You can get a balanced overview of those issues at Britannica ProCon.org.
As people gather for the annual “March for Life” in a couple of days, I’d like to focus on what I believe is an overlooked aspect of the abortion debate … the trauma some women suffer after they end a pregnancy. The emotional repercussions can last for years, if not a lifetime.
I should know. I am one of those women and I do have authority to speak on this topic.
I’m not alone either. If the research is accurate, one out of every four women have had an abortion, and many don’t want to talk about it.
Everyone has a secret.
Guilt and Pain
Over lunch, Christi Prater talked about the guilt and pain experienced by some. Having served on the board of a local Pregnancy Resource Center for 10 years, she is well acquainted with the emotions women experience after terminating an unwanted pregnancy.
We met one Sunday morning after she gave a guest sermon on the topic. She began with Psalm 139:15 and didn’t let up for the next 30 minutes.
From where she stood in front of the flock, she said she could see people wiping away their tears. As it turned out, I wasn’t the only person to approach her afterwards.
That Sunday, she prayed with eight people inside the sanctuary, and then talked with many more in the parking lot. Three other people called her later. These men and women felt shame and regret, she said. They believed themselves unworthy. A separation had taken place because of a decision they made.
“I’ve talked with at least 100 women over the years and never have I heard, ‘I’m so glad I did that,’” she told me at lunch a few weeks later. “But men suffer too. They are left out of the conversation. I do worry about them. The experience doesn’t leave them either.”
I think she’s on to something. A man I know has never told his closest buddies about his first marriage or why he divorced her. Claiming to be on a business trip, his former wife secretly aborted their child, and the betrayal broke his heart.
Everyone has a secret.
Not Everyone Experiences These Emotions
To be sure, not everyone feels guilt, shame, or remorse. They end a life because they see no other path forward due to their age, marital status, life circumstances and future goals. Maybe feeling pressure from others, they have the procedure and move on.
Whatever their reasons or emotions, I won’t judge. Being put in this position is hard enough. But I do think God wants me to give voice to the voiceless—those who do suffer from the decision they made.
Why else would He have put Beth Ann Fitzpatrick in my path?
A Divine Appointment
I met Beth Ann in New Jersey, specifically at a fundraiser for Operation Underground Railroad, a nonprofit that assists in rescuing and supporting thousands of sex-trafficked individuals.
We had just introduced ourselves when she told me about her work counseling women and men who struggle post-abortion. She had no idea I planned to write about this difficult topic. Our meeting seemed divinely orchestrated.
An Army of Casualties
“There is an army of people who are the casualties,” Beth Ann said, telling me about a woman who still mourned 25 years after her abortion. “I counsel her every day. Once I had to hold and rock her for an hour. That’s the kind of stuff I want to expose. This isn’t as tidy as some might like.”
Some people, she said, fear no one will love them if they know the truth. Others become overly protective of their children to atone for the child who never drew a breath outside the womb. And others get vocal in the pro-abortion debate to “feel better about their decision,” she said.
“So many people need to talk about their feelings,” Beth Ann added. “But some are intent on keeping their secrets, and they lose out on life. Nationally, it’s a problem no one knows exists.”
Everyone has a secret.
Freedom and Healing
Giving people the opportunity to express their feelings, without judgment, is the greatest gift you can offer, Beth Ann continued.
That’s why she started the Abortion Anonymous Project. She leaves stamped postcards on park benches and other public places encouraging people to anonymously share their post-abortion stories. Ultimately, she wants to publish the responses in a book.
“The more people share, the more they’ll heal,” Christi agreed. “I hope women and men feel brave enough to tell their story and ultimately find freedom.”
Everyone has a secret.
~~~
I have thousands of Secrets but not in this Category. It would be a tough burden to carry without the Lords Forgiveness.
One of the reasons I wrote about it. Thanks, Slim, for commenting.
Thank you for choosing this topic! Truly, it affects so many more people than we realize. Like you said, it’s not just the women. It also affects the men who have paid for the abortion. While the ground at the Cross is level, forgiving ourselves can be a higher hurdle than we realize!
Genia, thanks so much for reading and commenting. If you know someone who might find the piece interesting, please share. Best to you!