Dump Your Significant Jerk … It’s Not Too Late!

Dump your significant jerk. It’s not too late. The calendar wizards have created an entire week, from February 5-11, to liberate yourself from a no-good relationship. 

Just before Valentine’s Day … no need to buy cards and gifts. A win-win.

Personally, I’ve never celebrated this oddball holiday, though I did rid myself of an unwholesome relationship once. My boyfriend at the time wasn’t necessarily a bad guy.

We just brought out the worst in one another. This became clear the afternoon he grabbed me by the scruff of the neck because I refused to comply with one of his ultimatums. 

I threw a punch. It connected. And shortly thereafter, we broke up. Not on “Dump Your Significant Jerk Week,” but sometime in the spring or fall. It was warm. The air smelled good.  

And I felt free. I think he did too.

It’s never too late to dump your significant jerk. Especially if you’re in an unsatisfactory relationship. 

Don’t Be Hasty, Though

Don’t get me wrong. 

I’m not talking about the ebbing of that in-love feeling … you know, the hormone-induced infatuation, nervous excitement, and giddiness common in budding relationships. Just because your heart no longer goes pitter-patter when your partner enters the room isn’t reason to observe the holiday. Like good wine, relationships evolve and mature. They become more robust. 

Nor does the occasional argument or conflict warrant a breakup. It’s unreasonable to expect harmony on every issue, especially if your relationship is based on mutual respect, open communication, empathy, compassion, and forgiveness.

Abusive and Toxic Relationships

I’m talking about abusive and toxic relationships. Under those circumstances, dump your significant jerk. 

Although a lot of people use those phrases interchangeably, experts say a subtle difference exists between the two. 

In abusive relationships, abusers consciously choose to behave in hurtful ways. They undermine their partners’ self-worth through name-calling and derision, or unjustly accuse them of everything wrong in their lives. They want absolute power over others and will use manipulation, emotional terror, and physical violence to get what they want. 

These abusers leave nothing to chance. They dictate every area of their partners’ lives, including whom they see, where they go, and what they wear. They project. Tell lies. Their life force is to exert control. Period. And they know exactly what they’re doing.

Toxic people, on the other hand, don’t mistreat others on purpose. They overreact. They lack control. In these relationships, most conversations turn into fights and disappointments trigger anger. They, too, are distinguished by physical altercations, verbal attacks, and mind games. Life is volatile and wearying. 

Bottom line? Not all toxic relationships are abusive, but all abusive relationships are toxic. It’s a matter of control.

Tomayto, Tomahto

Does the distinction matter? 

Not really. 

Whether you’re in a toxic or abusive relationship, the repercussions devastate mind, body, and soul through higher levels of chronic stress, heart disease, depression, and suicidal ideation. A woman spotlighted on this blog recently can tell you all about it.

Does this Hit Home?

If this hits home, maybe you need to think about why you’re staying in a soul-sapping union. 

Could it be low self-esteem? Is someone pressuring you to stay because of the kids? Is your partner promising to change? Or have you settled because you don’t want to be alone or believe you don’t deserve better? Are you afraid to admit you’ve made a mistake?

Please, please, please … get therapy. Set healthy boundaries. Surround yourself with supportive people. If your relationship remains unfixable, despite concerted efforts to reform behaviors, dump your significant jerk. Some relationships aren’t worth saving.

Happy Valentine’s Day.