If Michelle could speak to her younger self, she’d warn her about her ex-husband—a minister, no less. He didn’t love her. He controlled her. But today, she is finding her voice and breaking the silence surrounding the sexual abuse she endured.
Many of us know people who, as children, suffered at the hands of a priest or another trusted adult figure. Indeed, I have highlighted the stories of others who have experienced child sexual abuse.
But do you know anyone who’s endured sexual exploitation within a Christian marriage?
“When I began counseling, I didn’t realize that I needed to be alert for sexual abuse in marriage… Now that I see its prevalence,” said Counselor and Author Darby Strickland in a blog post published by Focus on the Family, “I’m deeply concerned about the fact that many in the church remain unaware that sexual abuse even occurs in Christian marriages.”
In her article, Strickland revealed that forced sex occurs in about 40 to 45 percent of marital relationships that also involve verbal or physical violence. “These numbers should alarm us,” she said. “And they should also cause us to ask why we don’t hear more about it.”
Perhaps it’s not surprising that we don’t hear about it. Victims often remain silent, driven by shame and confusion. Michelle includes herself in that group.
But no more.
“I really don’t want anyone to go through what I went through,” Michelle said, explaining why she’s breaking the silence and sharing her story with you. “I want others to know that they’re not alone.”
A Particular Type of Debauchery
As Michelle unpacked her story, disbelief soon gave way to disgust. Her husband of 24 years didn’t force himself on her, which is bad enough; he trafficked her, allowing strangers to violate his wife as he watched.
Over nine months, he arranged 25 different encounters with men found on Craigslist.
Let that sink in—twenty-five men in one year alone.
“I didn’t know how to fight it,” the Floridian told me. Like many abusers, her husband wielded Bible scripture to justify his demands, claiming God required wives to submit to their husbands and that He held it against those who resisted.
What this man of the cloth didn’t mention is that those very same passages emphasize mutual love, respect, and selflessness—not coercion and control—reflecting Christ’s relationship with His church.
How Could this Happen?
A question I asked during my conversation with Michelle is one you might be wondering too: How did this devoted Christian fall under this man’s spell, ultimately following demands that made her feel degraded, eroding her sense of well-being and worth?
As with so many other victims, Michelle grew up in a dysfunctional, abusive family. Although her father never abused her, the youngest of eight kids, he did assault her mother and siblings. He ruled with an iron fist, forbidding her from taking part in any after-school activities with her friends.
“I wasn’t allowed to do anything. I was naïve,” she said. “I didn’t date in high school because no one asked me… I wasn’t pretty enough.”
Controlling people, like her husband, often target insecure, people-pleasing individuals. This is true for Michelle. By the time she met him at the age of 18, she was “seeking affirmation, attention. I wanted to be loved.”
Within six months, she became his wife.
It’s Over
By the time her two children reached the ages of 18 and 21, she could no longer keep the facade. “I was dying… I didn’t want to do this and couldn’t make it go away.”
In prayer, she asked God for a miracle, and He gave her a message—and a voice. Her marriage mocked God’s design for matrimony, and He wanted her to leave.
Now unmarried, Michelle is breaking the silence. “You don’t have to say yes to something that goes against your morals. God will take care of you.”
If you’ve experienced similar abuse and need support, Michelle wants to talk with you. She can be reached at: michelle_52010@yahoo.com.
In addition, you can find other valuable information here: https://www.victimscivilattorneys.com/survivors-guide
